


The Process of Healing

by spainintheass



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Insomnia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-12 23:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12970293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spainintheass/pseuds/spainintheass
Summary: Antonio Carriedo and Lovino Vargas have both gone through serious trauma. One day, the two meet in a bookstore and connect, eventually going to college together and realizing they're soulmates. Though, Lovino gets scared. He doesn't want to lose Antonio too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey sorry this is gonna be really angsty b u t i promise it gets better :'))) anyway if you dont know any of the mental disorders in this story, look them up :)

Another day of having to wake up to the guilt and the trauma. If only he had been there, if only he got to try and save them, or say goodbye. Like a broken record, that day played in his head; 24/7. It didn’t stop. Even the remote sight of fire, or even a flame triggered him, set him into a state of panic. It was as if he was frozen in time when he had an attack. Doctors eventually diagnosed Lovino with PTSD, but none of their treatments helped him much. What was even worse was that on the day of the two year anniversary of his parents’ death, his first soulmate, Esteban Hernandez was killed in a car crash. That absolutely shattered his heart. Although for some reason, the phrase was never scratched out and his wrist blank. Instead, a new phrase was written. It read:

‘Hola. Mind if I sit?’

The difficult thing was that the phrase on his wrist was so common, anyone who knew basic spanish could say this. Although, he had a slight advantage. Since his phrase was so common, his phrase would begin to heat up when his soulmate said it. It happened the first time with Esteban, so why not a second? A sigh escaped the italian’s lips as he groggily stood up, beginning to get ready for the day. 

Antonio Carriedo was currently sitting at his table, drinking some coffee as a shaky sigh escaped his lips. Another nightmare. The spaniard has dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep he was getting. On average, Antonio really only got about 2 hours of sleep each week. He couldn’t stand sleeping anymore, because each time he would, he’d have vivid nightmares of the massacre of his city in Barcelona, almost getting murdered the first two weeks in New York, or the sexual abuse he’s been through with his previous boyfriend. They were so vivid, it was as if he was constantly reliving the past. Over and over and over again. The spaniard tried almost everything to try and get rid of the nightmares, but nothing worked. Therapist after therapist tried to help him, and the Spaniard tried accepting the help with open arms, but it just didn’t work. His only solace was the phrase of his soulmate on his wrist. 

‘Tch. Whatever, bastard. I don’t care.’ 

As rude as it sounded, he really didn’t care. Antonio just wanted to find his soulmate, and find him or her soon. To him, it felt like all of his problems would go away with the touch and presence of his soulmate. “Soon.” He simply murmured, taking a sip of the caffeinated substance. “We’ll meet soon.”

“Jesus fucking christ, this is stupid.” The Italian muttered angrily, walking to the store. Because of the trauma from the car accident, he couldn’t be anywhere near cars. Not next to them, not in them. Not even five feet away. If he even sees a car Lovino will begin to feel an attack coming on, immediately running away before it could spiral out of control. Though, since he walked everywhere, he was in the best shape he’s been in a very long time. “Can’t I just get it delivered to my door?” He grumbled, walking in and grabbing a cart. Luckily for him, his parents left him a very large inheritance, as well as having a job he could work from home. It was perfect for him. A sigh escaped his lips as he got his groceries, using the cart to transport it back home, setting the groceries inside the kitchen before leaving once again. This time, he was heading to the bookstore, to find a book to possibly help him relax. Though, only one thing ran through his mind. 

When will this day be over?

Antonio had already gotten ready earlier that morning, following his usual routine. Currently, it was around 1:00 P.M, the Spaniard grabbing his keys to go to the bookstore. On his person, he carried a mace, pepper spray, and a small pistol for self defense. He had his gun ownership licence and paperwork, as well as a psychiatric evaluation deeming him safe to own a gun. Ever since the first few weeks of living in New York, he always had some form of self defense on him. He didn’t want to add to the nightmares he already had, so why not prevent it? Surprisingly, it didn’t seem like he was a paranoid person at all. In fact, he was quite a bubbly and social man, who could be a bit airheaded and too passionate at times, but that still didn’t excuse him from having to suffer the way he did. A gentle sigh escaped the Spaniard's lips as he walked into the bookstore, looking for some books to help him cope with his condition and to hopefully get his mind off of the trauma, even if it’s just for a few minutes. 

In his left hand, Lovino held a book about coping with PTSD and how to start the self healing process. Under his left arm, he held a book of art techniques, as well as paintings of the past. Now, he was wandering the fiction section, soon finding the book he wanted. Lovino’s hand touched it, but another hand did as well. 

“Ah! Lo siento. I didn’t realize that you touched it first.” Apologized a voice with a Spanish accent. Probably from a Spanish speaking country. Lovino turned to face the voice, encountering a man with fierce emerald eyes and curly brown hair that went just above his ears. His skin was a nice sun kissed color, his demeanor nothing but cheerful and peaceful. Although, there was one thing that really stood out to the Italian. “I really don’t mind. Please, take it!” 

His eye bags. 

So the stranger was an insomniac. Lovino can already tell that much-- he was once an insomniac himself. Though, he managed to get rid of that. “U-Uh.. thanks.” Holy shit, he never realized how bad he was at talking to strangers. The Italian grumbled as his decrease in social skills. “Er.. I-If you want, I can let you borrow it once I finish?” He suggested.

“Si! Muchas gracias! Uh..”

“Lovino. Lovino Vargas.”

“Okay. My names Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, but you can call me Toni.” Bastard. 

“Uh huh. Well uh, I guess I’ll go pay—”  
“Wait! U-Uh. T-This is going to sound really strange, but can we exchange numbers? I don’t know if we’ll see each other again and I’d really like to talk to you more! Plus, we can talk about the book.” Normally, Lovino would have simply scoffed and denied the offer, walking away afterwards, but something about Antonio really drew him in. He felt.. Safe. Happy. Like all of his troubles were simply disappearing. 

“Sure. Give me your phone.” Lovino answers and demands, the Spaniard immediately handing his phone. Lovino typed in his number and made himself a contact in the spaniards phone, sending himself a text so he’d have his number. Soon after he handed it back, the two going their separate ways.

Why did I have that connection? The two thought as one walked, one drove home. It was as if both of their troubles went away for a moment— a bliss neither have them felt since before the incidents. As Lovino walked back inside, he set his books down on the coffee table, sitting down and eventually taking out his phone. 

Almost impulsively, he sent a text to Antonio. 

‘Oi. What are you doing right now?’

Immediately, he got a reply. 

‘Nothing much!! Just got home lol, wbu?’ 

‘I’m sitting on the couch.’ 

The two proceeded to text each other for hours, eventually FaceTiming each other. “Bastard. You just had to call me?” 

“Of course Lovi!~ I missed your voice! Plus I— I wanna hear your story.. Tell me about yourself!” 

“... Seriously?” He deadpanned, setting his phone on the nightstand. A gentle light was on in the room, simply so the two could see each other. 

“Si! Tell me!” For some reason, Lovino felt really comfortable around Antonio, the connection he felt growing stronger. 

“W-Well.. Okay. But don’t blame me when you start crying okay?! A-And don’t judge me! Bastard.” He sighed. “Alright. Anyway, I originally lived in Rome with my parents, nonno and little brother. 2 and a half years ago, my parents were killed in a fire. I was at a friends house staying the night when I eventually found out the next day. I-I was heartbroken.” He said, his voice cracking. Antonio simply listened in science. “About a couple weeks later I’d found my first soulmate— it was the best 2 years of my life. He helped my deal with my issues and vice versa. T-Though, on the 2 year anniversary of my parents’ death, he was killed in a car crash.”

“Lovi.. Lo siento mucho— that must be so difficult to deal with. But coincidently, I completely understand your pain. Now, may I ask, what about your nonno and hermano? Don’t you have them?”

“That’s just it. I don’t. They went missing after the fire. I haven’t heard of their wereabouts since. And because of all of that, I can’t stand being near fire and I can’t be less than 5 feet away from a car. Otherwise I’ll have a panic attack and have an instant flashback. I’ve been to too many fucking therapists— none of them could fucking help me though. Eventually, I got diagnosed with PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

“Wow. I never knew Lovi—”

“It’s— fine. No one would unless I told them, or if I had an attack. Now, what about you? I can tell you’re an insomniac. But why? Since I told you my issues, it’s only fair you tell me yours.”

“Si. Well, like you, I’m not a New York native, nor have I found my first soulmate yet. Originally, I came from Barcelona. Though, my home city got massacred, and I was one of the only survivors. I-I had to escape in the middle of the blood bath—I… I—”

Antonio was stumbling on his words, his voice getting shakier and shakier. Tears began to brim in his eyes. “I-I.. sorry Lovi—”

“Shh. Take your time.” Lovino said gently, reaching to touch him through the screen. The Italian understood how vunerable he was at the current moment, and how he needed gentle comfort. Eventually, he regained himself.

“I ended up witnessing my own family murdered right in front of me. In pure, cold blood. The worst part was that I was in hiding, so I couldn’t go help them. I physically couldn’t— I was being held back by the survivors. It’s the truth Lovi! NO ONE WILL BELIEVE ME—!”

“It’s okay. I believe you.”

“Anyway.. Eventually we escaped to the United States and went our separate ways. I ended up moving here. During the first two weeks, I was miserable. I kept getting harassed, and one night, I was almost murdered in a hate crime, just because they assumed I was Mexican. I was on the brink of death when a passerby found me and called 911. I thank that person everyday for saving my life, but at the same time, I always ask, “What’s the point of being here?” I have no family, no friends. Eventually, I met my ex boyfriend Tom. For the first few months, it went wonderfully. But then one day, he started to touch me in ways I was uncomfortable with. I dealt with him sexually abusing me for almost a year after that. He was all I had, so how could I possibly leave? I had enough and one night, I called the police and got him arrested. Apparently, he was a known sexual offender who was previously arrested for the same crime. Everytime I’d fall asleep, I’d have nightmares. A-And they were so vivid. It was literally like I was reliving the past. So eventually, I stopped sleeping. Now, I only get 4 hours of sleep a week, hence the circles. I-I don’t know how to get rid of them.”

To say Lovino was in shock was an understatement. He was absolutely astonished at the other’s story. Not only had he met someone he had an instant connection with, but he’d also had someone he could rant to, someone who’d actually understand. It was like a bright ray of light for the Italian, sparking an emotion he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Hope.

“Jesus Christ, Toni. How the fuck are you so cheerful after all of that?!” Lovino asked, awestruck.

“I just manage—” He began to yawn. “Merda.” He cursed to himself in Spanish.

“Toni, it’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to sleep. I was once an insomniac to. Just listen to the sound of my voice. Let me flood your thoughts instead. Okay? Think of me.” He said gently, a small smile on his face as he watched the Spaniard become increasingly tired. It was about 5 minutes later when Lovino noticed that Antonio was asleep, a small smile on his face. “Buon noche Toni. See you in your dreams.” With that, he hung up, turning off the light and going to bed. 

And for the first time in a long time, neither of them had any nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Antonio woke up in tears. Happy tears. That was the first time in 2 years that he hadn’t had a single nightmare. It say he was ecstatic was an understatement. Quickly, he got dressed and called Lovino once again. After 3 rings, the Italian answered. “Oi. What do you want bastard? Do you know how early it is?” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. 

“... It’s 9 A.M.”

“That’s still early! Now what do you want? Or did you want to hear my voice again?” Lovino looked at him more closely. “Hey, actually. Did something happen? You look more uh.. awake.”

“Oh! I wanted to thank you for last night! I didn’t have any nightmares because of you! Muchas gracias!” Lovino blushed slightly. 

“Oh, um. You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help.” He says softly, a gentle smile on his face. 

“Si. Uh.. would you like to get some coffee later today?” 

“Sure. I don’t see why not. We’ll meet at noon. Okay?”

“Sounds wonderful!” Thus, started their daily tradition. The two got ready for their outing, and as promised, met at noon. “Hola Lovi! Its great to see you again!~” He cheered happily. 

“Si, Si. Now can we get some coffee?” He asked, smiling lightly at the Spaniard’s antics. 

“Sure.~ Let’s go!” Antonio chirped, grabbing the other’s hand and quickly walking in and scanning the warm coffee place, his eyes scanning the menu and the sweets it offered. Antonio made a noise of thought before walking up to the counter, the Italian in tow. 

“Hi, welcome to Daisy’s Cafe! What can I get you two?” The cashier greeted, a warm smile on her face. Her name tag read ‘Alyssa’. 

“Hola!~ I will have.. A peppermint hot chocolate with a slice of chocolate cake! What about you Lovi?”

 

“Lovino, dammit. Ciao, I’ll have the… caramel frappuccino with a red velvet cupcake.” He orders softly, smiling at the girl. Antonio saw a glimpse of his smile, blushing lightly at the sight. His smile is so beautiful… he thought happily, smiling lovingly towards the Italian. The cashier smiling semi knowingly at the two, going to get their order as the two sat down at an isolated table by the window. The cafe was very home-like, a warm fire going on just to the right of the two friends. They were sat by a window, so they could see the lovely view of Manhattan, New York. 

“It’s such a lovely day.” Antonio began, making conversation with the Italian across from them. “Don’t you think so?” 

“Si. It’s actually really nice out.” Lovino replies, looking out the window. The hustle and bustle of people in Manhattan simply made him sigh, frowning for a moment when he found a family of 3, A father and two little boys. The pain that he felt about his grandpa reamurged, tears bubbling in his eyes. The flashbacks began to roll in. The fire, hearing the news from his neighbors, his nonno and fratello going missing, it was to much to handle. 

“...i?”

Lovino could feel his body began to tremble, not being able to focus on anything. Everything that was happening in the current world he couldn’t see, hear, feel, or even register. Currently, he was stuck in Rome, in the year 2003, when he was 8 years old. 

“..vi?”

The grief and heartbreak he felt, eventually having to flee to the U.S.

“Lovi?”

Spending his days as a teenager trying to go to school and work full time, having to go to so many therapists after having panic attacks. The students picking on him for having PTSD-

“Lovino!”

That immediately snapped him out of it somehow. The Italian was panting, sweating as tears streamed down his face. Antonio immediately bringing the other into a hug, rubbing his back comfortingly and whispering sweet nothings in Spanish into his ear. Lovino simply tightened his grip on Antonio, sobbing silently into his shoulders. He was back in the present. October 4, 2015. 

“Toni…” He mumbled, slowly, yet surely calming down bit by bit. Eventually he calmed down, simply enjoying the calm warmth of the Spaniard, closing his eyes in content, enjoying his warmth. The two eventually pulled away and simply looked at each other, relaxing in the other’s presence. 

“Are you okay?” Antonio asked softly, gently playing with his hair to try and keep him calm.

“Mhm.” Lovino then began to blush a bright red when he felt the other’s lips on the forehead, not having anything coherent he could say. Why would he do something like that? He thought. Does he like me…?

As soon as the two sat down, Alyssa came with their drinks, as well as a latte with a cream heart in the middle. “A latte for you two love birds.~” She said knowingly, slipping a paper on the table. 

“H-Hey! Wait! We’re not--!”

“It’s okay. Relax Lovi, I don’t mind. It’s free coffee! Plus there’s two straws so we can share!” He chirped happily, beginning to drink his respective drink, smiling lightheartedly at the Italian male. 

“B-But-! We’re just friends!” He protested again, eventually sighing defeat as he took as he took a sip from the cup, his face a brilliant red. Antonio, being oblivious to this began to chatter, telling the other about himself. That allowed Lovino to be with his thoughts, studying the Spaniard’s movements as well as the way his lips were moving. ‘He’s actually pretty attractive’. He thought, blushing brighter. ‘What the fuck? I shouldn’t be thinking those things! I just met the damn guy! But at the same time… He was the fastest one who’s ever actually snapped me out of an attack.’ Lovino didn’t really understand the emotions that were currently going on in his mind, body, and soul, but all he knew was that he didn’t want to deal with them, shoving them aside as he began to tell Antonio about himself. 

“Wow Lovi. You’re actually a really interesting person!” Antonio cheered happily, smiling almost lovingly at him. 

“Gratize, I guess.” He says, running a hand through his hair as the two eventually finished, paying and walking out. 

“Hey, it’s getting dark outside. How are you getting home?”

“Walking.”

“But it’s dark!”

“And?” A sigh escaped Antonio’s lips, worry bubbling through his system. 

“W-Well then. Can I at least walk you home?” He asked spontaneously, looking at him. His fierce emerald eyes glistened with good intent, worry, and anxiousness. Normally, Lovino would have bluntly denied, walking away, but something within him told him to accept. 

“Si.” So, he did. The two friends walked back to Lovino’s house, the two talking for longer. Soon it was almost 11, and that meant that Antonio had to go home. The Spaniard stood up, causing Lovino to look at him with confusion. 

“Oi. Where are you going?” He demanded, raising an eyebrow.

“Home.” He says, putting on his coat and shoes. “I don’t want to be a burden, plus, it’s getting late.” 

“The fuck? I never said you couldn’t stay, you bastard. I don’t want you walking home this late. I’ll set up the spare room, okay?” Lovino said, getting up and walking to the other room as Antonio smiled happily, taking off his coat and shoes. Soon he got the call that it was done, following Lovino’s voice towards the room. “Alright. You can sleep here for the night. Sleep well. And yell my name if you need anything, okay?”

“SI. Gracias, Lovi. I really appreciate this.”

“I-It’s fine. Now sleep okay?” With that, Lovino turned off the lights and walked to his room, going to bed with a small smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit goes down

A month after they originally met, Antonio was getting ready to meet Lovino at the same coffee shop they’d been meeting at for the past month. They’d usually go to the café, talk there for an hour or two, then go walk around or go exploring. It was their daily routine, and because of that, they became very close friends. As they continued to meet, they had befriended Alyssa, the cashier they’d had when the first went to the café, hanging out with her regularly when she had days off. 

“Lyss, I don’t get it.” He complains one day, walking with her to the coffee shop. They were going to all hang out, Antonio already having gotten the approval for the company from Lovino. 

“What don’t you get,” Alyssa asked, whilst texting her girlfriend. Alyssa was your average girl, long brown hair, hazel eyes, and glasses. She was more on the pale side, freckles painted across her face as if she were some sort of canvas. The only peculiar things were that she had an unhealthy obsession with art, and a fascination with the paranormal. However, she was attracted to girls. 

“These feelings I get everytime I’m around Lovino.” He stated, blushing a light pink. “I get butterflies in my stomach, my face is always really warm, a-and like, I sometimes dream about him. About us! I want to kiss him and feel his touch. You know?” 

A knowing smile appeared on the girl’s face as she attempted to ruffle his hair. “Awe.~ I think you like him,” She informs. “I felt the same way when I first started liking my girlfriend.” 

“Wait, you have a girlfriend?” Antonio asks, dumbfounded at the information. “Like, you’re a lesbian?” Alyssa simply nodded, shrugging off his confusion. 

“I thought you knew. Anyway, my feelings about Lillian aren’t important. You, on the other hand, need to accept the fact that you’re falling for your best friend.” Alyssa points out seriously, stopping to look him in the eyes. “You can’t keep lying to yourself about these things; especially with what you’ve been through.” The girl ordered seriously, crossing her arms. Only a couple weeks ago, Antonio opened up to Alyssa and told her about his rough past. “I know that this is a sensitive topic, and that you think you don’t want to love again, but I know that deep down, deep within your soul lies an Antonio who's ready to love and trust again.” 

Antonio simply couldn’t comprehend it. How could he have developed feelings for his Italian friend? When did these start to develop? How could he stop them before it spirals out of control? The answer: he couldn’t. “B-But— How? Why? Why him?!”

“I’m not sure, but something must have sparked it.” She says, in thought. “Do you remember when these feelings first, y’know, happened?”

“Well..? Let’s see. I think it was about a few weeks ago,” 

It was a sunny afternoon, and the two were walking in the park. They already went to the coffee shop and were simply walking around, looking for something to do. “Lovi!~ I’m bored. We should do something!”

“Yeah? Like what.”

“Uh— Bookstore?” Antonio had suggested meekly, nervously smiling. “Y-You know. The one we originally met at?”

“Hmm. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Alright, bastard. Lets go.” Lovino says, beginning to walk away, Antonio following quickly. Soon the two arrived, quickly scanning through some books. The Spaniard found one he was interested in and was quickly immersed, unaware of Lovino’s stare. The Italian had a small smirk as he watched him. “Oi. Enjoying that, angelo?”

Immediately, Antonio’s face lit up in an intense blush. “S-Sí. I am. Why? W-Wait! What does ‘angelo’ mean?” He asks softly, glancing towards him. The Italian could feel his heart pounding with nervousness, but continued anyway. 

“You’ll find out sometime, angelo. Y’know— sei terriblmente bello.~”

 

“Q-Qué?!” By this point, to say that Antonio was flustered was an understatement. Due to his sense personality, he couldn’t exactly comprehend what was happening. 

“Staresti bene nel mio letto..~” He murmured in his native language, walking closer to the embarrassed Spaniard. 

“Lovi..?”

“I tuoi vestiti sul mio pavimento~.” Antonio wasn’t registering what was happening until Lovino was right in front of him, his fingers gently grasping the other’s chin. “Facendoti innamorare, segnando la tua pelle come la mia.” He almost growled the last part, his common sense and brain screaming at him to stop. However, his heart was telling him to continue, as well as the electric sensation spreading through his body. God he wanted more. 

“Lovi?”

Was it a strange coincidence that he was starting to have these sensations and emotions at the same place they first met? He assumed so. Though, he figured it was time to stop. “What? Are you going to buy the book or not? We’ll be here all damn day if you don’t.”

“Uh.. y-yeah! Hang on.” Quickly he ran to the cashier, his thoughts spiraling wildly.

“Oh my god. You’re telling me he was flirting with you?!” Alyssa looks at him dumbly. 

“He did?!”

“Yes! Are you that dense?!”

“Yes?”

“Christ Toni! You’re never gonna get a boyfriend being that dense.” The Spaniard could only blush in embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Well sorry! I don’t exactly pay attention to these things! Honestly, I barely can understand when someone’s flirting with me.” 

“Jesus. You need to start paying more attention.” The two walked in the coffee shop, ordering the usual. 5 minutes later, Lovino arrived and ordered his usual, finding his seat with the other two. 

“Ciao bastard, Lyss.” He greeted, stealing Antonio’s drink and taking a sip. Soon Lovino’s order came and he proceeded to drink his. 

“Hola!” 

“Hey. What’s new with you?” Alyssa greeted, smiling gently towards the Italian. 

“Not much. What about you? How’s your relationship going?”

“FANTASTIC! Lillian is planning to visit within the next few weeks so you guys will be able to meet her! I’ve told her all about you two and she’s excited to meet you guys as well!” She cheered, slightly pink as she continued her story. Her girlfriend’s name is Lillian, Lillian Depreski. She’s currently in New York studying psychology and the human sciences of mental disorders. It was something she was extremely passionate about, besides loving her girlfriend Alyssa. She has short neon green hair and brown eyes, as well as a septum piercing and snakebites. Lillian was on the tall skinny side, her skin sunkissed. She was very athletic, always playing sports. She even got on her college’s team.

“Really! Esa es muy fantastico!” Antonio cheered happily, smiling towards the smiling girl. “Oh, that reminds me; how did you two first meet?”

“Oh! I never told you two huh? Gosh, I’m sorry. Anyway, we met at a flower shop about two years ago. I went in to get a job and she happened to be there for the same reason. We started talking and became friends instantly. About 5 months of being friends with her, I started to like her, and a year after that, she asked me out. We’ve been together ever since.” Alyssa gushed, smiling like a maniac as she covered her face with her hands. 

“Wow. That’s awesome!”

“That’s not the best part. After about half a year of dating, we realized we were soulmates!” Antonio’s eyes widened in shock. 

“Que?! Really?!” ‘That was possible?!’ He thought stupidly, staring. 

“Yeah! Isn’t that cool?! I had a small feeling because instantly I felt a connection with her..” 

Lovino was sitting in silence, simply observing the two talk until he heard the topic of soulmates. That was a very sensitive topic to him, because of what had happened with Esteban. The only person he’s ever told was Antonio. 

“What about you Lovino?” Immediately he snapped out of his trance, glancing towards the two. Confusion spread across his face as he looked towards the two. 

“Huh?”

“I asked, what about you?”

“Wait what?” 

“Soulmates. Have you found one yet?” Lovino froze in place, his heart beginning to pound. He felt his throat closing, looking towards Antonio desperately. Luckily, Antonio wasn’t that dense and understood that he needed help. 

“Lyss, mi amiga. Soulmates are a sensitive thing for Lovino to talk about.” He informs gently. “Things happened that he doesn’t really want to talk about. Kind of like me.” 

“Oh. Lovi, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know!” Alyssa frowned, placing a hand on the the other’s. Lovino mumbled a response of forgiveness, though he still looked upset. The girl only frowned more. 

“Lyss, it’s not your fault, you didn’t know. The only person he’s ever told was me.” Antonio comforted. 

“Alright.. If you insist. A-Anyway, I was doing some research and there’s an amusement park about an hour away! We should go!”

“That sounds like a great idea! What do you think Lovi?” 

Lovino looked at them skeptically. “How would we get there?”

“My car,” Alyssa responded, standing up. “Now lets go!” She cheers, dragging the two males out and going to her car. 

“W-Wait-- no--” Though, his protests fell on deaf ears as they arrived, Lovino already having backed up in fear, on the verge of having another attack. 

“Lovi?” Antonio turned around, immediately noticing the Italian frozen in place, fear etched on his face. “Oh dios mio.” He mumbled, running towards him and holding him. “Shh, it’s okay Lovino. I’m right here. Focus on my voice.” He comforts, ignoring the sound of an oncoming car. Alyssa, however, heard it and immediately got out, noticing that the two males weren’t with her. Glancing towards the two, she sprints as fast as she can and shoves them out of the way, getting hit seconds later. All that could be heard were the agonizing screams of Antonio and Lovino.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theres more news about Alyssa's progress and something blossoms between the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovino and Antonio finally have something good happen after years of suffering!!

Sobs wracked both of their bodies as they waited in the waiting room of the E.R, their friend in critical condition. Both Antonio and Lovino had blamed themselves for their friend being hurt; Antonio because he didn’t inform her of Lovino’s fear of cars and Lovino for being a pussy and not getting over his fear. 

It’s so stupid… He thought, But at the same time I can’t help but fear them… 

Antonio managed to stop sobbing and crying first, remaining as calm as he could to try and help out his friend. “Lovi, it will be okay. I promise, she will be fine. The doctors are doing everything they can,” He reassures softly. Another hour had passed until Lovino had calmed down, still holding Antonio close. 

“Don't let me go, bastard. I need your comfort.” Lovino murmured softly, blushing a fiery red as be continued to hold the Italian, rubbing his back. Another 2 hours passed by before a doctor came towards the two, asking if they were close to Alyssa in any way. 

“Sí. We’re her best friends. Is there something wrong doctor?” 

“Well. Your friend was in a serious accident, it is a miracle she's alive. You, sir, were very lucky and smart to call 911 when you did, otherwise, she would have died. Currently, she is in critical condition, but she is stable. Would you like to see her?” Both boys nodded, following the doctor to room 332, where Alyssa was connected to a bunch of wires, as well as a breathing tube in.

“Her bones were severely fractures, one breaking in her lower leg region. She also had a broken rib which punctured one of her lungs, which we had to repair. There was also a lot of internal bleeding, which luckily we fixed. Now she needs to rest and recover, and she should be awake within the next week.” Antonio nodded, guiding Lovino to the room, where the two visited for a while.

Lovino simply sat there, memories of when Esteban got hit by a car. It was a week, but then Esteban contracted a fatal infection and died within the day. The Italian was afraid that would happen to Alyssa. Not being able to take the air anymore, so he stood up and ran out of the room, going to the park bench he always went to when he was upset. It was about a block away from the bookstore. 

“Lovi!” Antonio cried out, standing up as watched Lovino run out of the room. The Spaniard said a silent goodbye to Alyssa as he went after the Italian, already losing sight of him. After a bit he called the Italian, worry pounding through his heart. He then tried again, again no answer. Adrenaline began to pound through his veins as he sprinted out of the hospital, looking almost everywhere for Lovino. He lost everyone he cared about once, he certainly wasn’t going through that again. He couldn’t. 

Soon enough, he arrived at the park, seeing Lovino on the bench. Antonio breathed a huge sigh of relief as he jogged over to him, sitting down and immediately bringing the other into an embrace. “Oh my god, Lovi. You had no idea how much you worried me. I looked everywhere for you-- I thought I lost you!” The Spaniard cried, holding the other close as tears rolled down his face. 

He was relieved, afraid, scared, upset, angry. Emotions spiraled through him at high speeds, no emotion ever shown for more than 5 seconds. However, relief was more prevalent. “Por favor; don’t ever scare me like that again. I wouldn’t have lived with myself if something happened to you. He murmurs, playing with his hair, simply enjoying that he had found his best friend and love interest, and that this was not a dream. 

“Can we go to your house? I don’t want to go home.” Lovino whispered softly. Silently, Antonio accepts, standing up and offering a hand. The two silently walked to the home of the Spaniard, none of them saying a word throughout the 15 minute walk. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but a peaceful one. The wind blew gently, the autumn leaves surrounding the pair like a shield. It was like a gesture from God, telling them that it would be alright. 

The pair soon arrived to Antonio’s home, walking in and immediately being greeted by the warmth of the home. Antonio managed to hide his candles after the second time Lovino came over, having dealt with one of his panic attacks the first time. 

“You can make yourself comfortable on the couch. You know where everything is.” He says gently. “I’ll make us some paella.” Antonio walked into the kitchen, getting the ingredients out to make the delicious meal. Lovino sighed, turning on the tv, tuning into whatever was on. 

“Oi. Can I use your laptop? I have to finish a college assignment.”

“Si! It’s in my room!” 

Lovino stood up and walked to Antonio’s room grabbing the laptop. He proceeded to leave, but stopped in his tracks. On his dresser was a picture, assumingly of him when he was around 5 years old. There were two parents and an older sibling, the mother figure holding a baby. “Toni’s famiglia.” He murmurs softly, picking up the picture and inspecting it. Antonio looked so happy in the photo; the whole family did in fact. Turning it over, there was a note:

‘La familia de Fernández-Carriedo. Aprecia la foto Antonio, mi amor. Te amo mucho. Nosotros amamos mucho.   
99/03/03’

The gesture made Lovino tear up a bit. He too had lost his parents, in a fire, which was why he was so scared of anything related to fire. Shaking his head, he set the photo down gently, and walked to the couch. 

“Take care of him for me.”

Lovino sat on the couch and opened the device, logging into his profile. Since the Italian used Antonio’s laptop so much, he was allowed to make his own profile, so his information could be saved without Antonio accidently deleting it, which, unfortunately, has happened a number of times. Lovino attended an online university, since he was too anxious and unstable to be in an actual class. Besides, the campus was too far to get there by walking. Lovino was 20, in his sophomore year of college. He was studying to be a creative writer; an author. The Italian had a passion for writing, using it as a form of self therapy for years. It was the only thing that helped him. 

Lovino was so absorbed in finishing the assignment that he failed to notice bring them each a plate and sit down next to him. “Lovi. Food’s ready.” Immediately his head snapped up, finally noticing the hot plate of food in front of him. Smiling gratefully, he set aside the laptop to eat, unconsciously leaning against the Spaniard as he ate. Antonio had blushed immensely at the action, not really knowing what to do. In a move of courage, he wrapped his arm around Lovino, bringing him closer to his body. A movie then came on the tv, spreading the relaxing aura between the two friends. Antonio wished this could last forever, but sadly, his phone rang. “Hola!”

“Hello Antonio. This is doctor James. I’m glad to inform you that your friend Alyssa is doing amazingly. She seemed to make a miraculous recovery, already awake and talking again. If she continues in this path, she’ll be able to go home within the week.”

“Que? Really! That’s amazing! Can we talk to her?” 

“Unfortunately not right now, but you are completely free to visit first thing in the morning.”

“Gracias doctor! Adios!” Antonio hung up, a bright smile on his face as he brought Antonio closer to him. “I have good news Lovi. Alyssa seemed to make a miraculous recovery. She’s already awake and talking!”

“Really?” Lovino asks, his eyes widening. Antonio nods happily, extremely excited. Impulsively, he turns to Lovino, love in his eyes as he brought his face closer to Lovino’s, bringing him into a gentle but passionate kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Soulmates. An interesting concept cherished by mosts and cast aside as false by others. The truth is out there; in our hearts. A spark, one of light, love, and hope leads the way, showing us to the person we’re destined to spend the rest of our lives with. Unfortunately, there are downsides to the concept of soulmates, just as there are benefits. One example; there are people who don’t have soulmates. 

Though they do sometimes see themselves as “free of the burden of another person”, maybe one whom they don’t particularly like, they will always have a sense of loneliness, never being able to experience the feeling of being whole. 

“I kissed my best friend.” Antonio murmured to himself softly. “And he kissed me back.” Millions of thoughts spun through the Spaniard’s mind, emotions crashing in like waves as well. Surprise, excitement, anxiety. It was an impulsive act of course, doing it in the spur of a moment. Though, he felt like he had to do it. It felt like the right thing to do. 

Finding your soulmate is a special thing. It connects to people as one, the two cherishing each other for life. They are able to help each other through anything. Soulmates can read each other like a book; it goes along with their chemistry and humanly instincts. They’ll be able to understand what the other may have experienced in the past. 

“My best friend kissed me.” Lovino murmured to himself, touching his lips gently with two fingers. He was in the guest bedroom, lying down and contemplating his thoughts. “And I kissed him back.” 

To be honest, the Italian didn’t know why he returned Antonio’s kiss. Logically, he should’ve pulled away instantly, maybe slapping him. But, he didn’t. The kiss caused his emotions and thoughts to spiral out of control once more, causing him to become frustrated with himself. Lovino didn’t know what do do, what to say, how to act. However, he did know one thing:

“I think I’m in love with my best friend.”  
Soulmates are revealed to each other when the time is right. There will be a point where it will be the right time to determine the two soulmates; it’s simply up to fate to decide. 

Antonio couldn’t sleep that night. Something in him kept him awake, a desire to do something for his best friend. He wanted Lovino to have some peace-- after all, he definitely deserves it. Suddenly an idea popped into his head. He would attempt to find Lovino’s brother and grandfather. Thus, he began the search. 

It was already around 7 A.M, having found nothing so far. “Dammit.” He cursed to himself, shoving the laptop away from him for a moment. “I need coffee.” 

Antonio stood up, walking to the kitchen to make himself a cup of hot coffee. His mind began to wander, having recalled seeing a picture of them Lovino had. He looked young, but he could certainly tell that it was his brother, just as that was their grandfather. Though, their grandfather was young. A little bit too young. No matter; he was still family. Soon the coffee maker finished, putting the desired amount of cream and sugar before returning to his bedroom, continuing the search. 

Antonio took a sip from his coffee, searching for another two hours. It was 9 A.M now, still having found nothing. It may have seemed pointless, but he couldn’t give up. He wouldn’t give up. At that moment, his eyes widened. “Jackpot.” He murmured triumphantly, clicking on the link. The date read, Oct 3, 2015. Published exactly two days ago. So, he began to read, his eyes widening as a grin appeared on his face. They were alive. Alive and in New York. It was perfect!

Instantly, he sent Feliciano a message, almost instantly receiving a reply. 

ThePastaSiesta123: Ciao!~ I’m so glad you found us!! Is mi fratello with you?!!!

AntonioCarri346: Lovino right? Yeah, he’s currently in my guest room. 

ThePastaSiesta123: OMG!! BUONO!! Grandpa will be overjoyed!! We’ve been looking for him for years!! 

AntonioCarri346: Awesome! Would you like to skype?

ThePastaSiesta123: SÌ!! I’ll call you right now~ 

AntonioCarri: Bien!

Antonio proceeded to shut his door and lock it, just to be on the safe side. He didn’t want Lovino finding out the surprise yet. Just then the laptop began to ring, the Spaniard immediately answering it. “Hola!”

“Ciao! I must say you’re really handsome~ I’m sure Lovi must be very lucky!~ Anyway where are you two located? We’re in Manhattan! On the apartments near that one café— um, what’s it called—?”

“Daisy’s café?” 

“Sì! That one! Oh! Maybe we can meet up! At the café~, and we can reunite!” 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea. I can see the pain and worry in his eyes— he hasn’t seen you both in years. As much as he won’t admit it, he really misses you two.” He said solemnly. 

“Sì, I could understand. Especially with what happened to our parents, I can understand the fact he’s suffering. Anywho, when do you want to meet?”

“How about two days from today at noon? You can come earlier so you’re already there when we arrive. We usually go for coffee.” 

“Sì! I’ll tell grandpa! I have to go! Bye!” Quickly he hung up, immediately messaging him his cell phone number. 

Two days passed by really quickly for Antonio, the Spaniard’s heart pounding at a million miles a minute. Today was the day the Vargas family would reunite, Antonio’s surprise gift to his friend.

“Oi bastard, are you ready yet?! I’m hungry and I want my damn coffee.” Lovino grumbled, sitting on the couch as he listening to the hustle and bustle of his Spaniard friend. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach due to the fact that he was receiving a gift. Of course, the Spanish bastard had to say it was a surprise. He knew that Lovino was curious, so why do that?! All Antonio told him was that he would enjoy his present. 

“Okay, I’m ready.” The pair proceeded to leave the house, walking and making their usual conversation, arriving at the café. Antonio went in first, immediately seeing the two Vargas’ and giving them a small wave and smile. Lovino then followed suit, immediately going to the counter and ordering. Once he was finished, he stepped back while Antonio ordered. He was again absorbed in his thoughts before he was interrupted by an oddly familiar voice. 

“Fratello!~” It screamed, light footsteps running towards him. Now Lovino completely recognized the voice.

It couldn’t be..

Turning around, it was indeed his younger Feliciano, in the flesh, running towards him at high speed. Eventually the two crashed into a tight hug, the two simply crying in joy, expressing how much they missed each other. 

Antonio beckoned their grandfather to join the hug. All of the Vargas’ simply stood there, hugging each other as tears of joy streamed down their face. The sight made Antonio tear up himself, deciding to go sit at a table and let them enjoy their reunion.

“Antonio! Join us!” cheered Feliciano, leaving to drag the Spaniard into the family reunion.

“Feliciano, I couldn’t--”

“Si! You could! Fratello, he’s the one who found us and set this up!”

Lovino looked towards Antonio, walking towards him. “Antonio. Is this true?”

With a bright red blush, he nodded. “Si. You’ve been through so much and I really care about you so I stayed up all night looking for mmph--!” Antonio was cut off by Lovino’s lips on his, holding him close. 

“Gratzie. You have no idea how much this means to me.” Lovino whispered, holding him as the other Vargas’ surrounded them. It was a beautiful moment for the group, the cafe applauding. They then proceeded to spend the day talking and catching up. The pair bid the Vargas’ goodbye, heading home. 

That’s until the two smelt smoke. Something was burning. It was if someone set fire to wood, along with some gasoline. Out of the corner of his eye, Antonio could see the flames, but both men heard the unmistakable scream of agony.

Immediately, Lovino’s eyes widened in panic, instantly running the other way.

“Lovi!”

He didn’t stop. He just kept running and running until he wound up at the bench, sitting as he rode out his attack.

Antonio immediately went after him, worried for his friend. After about 10 minutes of running he found the Italian, sighing as he approached him. 

“Hola. Mind if I sit?”

“Tch. Whatever bastard, I don’t care.”

Instantly, their wrists began to burn, both men gripping it as they stared at each other, Lovino standing up. Then, as if reading each other’s minds, they spoke:

“You’re my soulmate.”


End file.
